Florida Man.
Every teacher I've known has been the enemy at one time or another. It may have been remote and impersonal, like a newspaper article, denigration in Big Media, or disinformation on the socials -- Groomers! Pedophiles! Indoctrinators! Communists!
It might have been very personal, with a principal who resented being challenged with difficult questions, with a parent at a meeting with a struggling student, at Thanksgiving with your crazy uncle -- Groomer! Pedophile! Indoctrinator! Communist!
Some of that stuff is ignorance, some is probably fear, some of it is just bullies being bullies. The hardcore loony shit can be dangerous if, for example, you happen to be wearing a mask, or some lunatics decide they don't like you and want other lunatics to know where you work, where you live.
This bunch is unhinged and cruel, but they can be arrested, and sued. It's not a perfect answer, but at least the harassment is illegal.
I'd argue that the extralegal threats and intimidation are not sufficient for the reactionaries and fascists to achieve the outcomes they desire. Their activities must be buttressed by a legal framework. That's why the lasting damage, the real danger to teachers and schools and to students, the stuff that turns teachers into officially certified villains, is what's being done legally, through bills being passed to codify the intimidation and authorize the harassment. Which brings us to Florida, and Ron DeSantis.
I'm really angry, so I'm going to go on for a while. For a more concise, less DeSantis-is-a-fascist-y take, PEN America has this really good breakdown from last year. It reviews the Florida laws I discuss in this post, plus one that chills speech on college campuses.
Here goes...
Is Florida ground zero for the war on teachers? Or just an aggressive overachiever who refuses to lose?
If you've been paying any attention at all, you know that Florida's governor, Ron DeSantis, is building his MAGA bona fides on the backs of teachers and a paranoid delusion called WOKE (They can't define it--SEL! DEI!-- but they know it when they see it and it's baaaad.). How bad is DeSantis? Let's just say he made Florida so repressive and disgusting even mini-despot and world class suit-wearer LAUSD Superintendent Alberto Carvalho said "I'm out of here." Maybe the town just wasn't big enough for the both of them.
Side note: What, exactly, would be the opposite of "WOKE"?
I'd heard a lot about DeSantis's campaign versus teachers and schools, among other things, but I didn't really know anything beyond the smug nastiness oozing from news clips on the teevee machine (h/t Charles Pierce). Who is this tiny troll? As with so much addressed in the Answer Key corner of the world, I needed to educate myself in order to write about it.
Note: I have no first-hand information about the number of centimeters in one DeSantis (sources say 5' 9", 154 lbs. He looks bloated, right?), but he's certainly tiny on the inside.
Stipulate that the culture wars did not start in Florida, nor did they start three years ago with The Great COVID Conspiracy and a bunch of MAGA nuts and privileged white elites yelling "you're not the boss of me... er... my child!" while burning their masks in a ceremonial freedom bonfire while blaming teachers and their union! for school closures (instead of, you know, a deadly virus).
Stipulate further that Florida has spent years dumping brain cells into the Gulf of Mexico and is now seeing vastly increased return on that investment.
Ripeness is all, as the only Shake-scene in a country might say, and so we have the fusion reaction of stupidity, racism, ambition, and homophobia in one great supercollider and out pops Ron DeSantis on Crusade.
And the boy has been busy. Ron of Santis came out swinging, wielding the sword of self-righteousness as he vanquished the enemies of the realm one by one and two by two.
Start with COVID. Florida's response is instructive in a couple of ways.
I know this post is focused on laws, but I just have to say that if I'd seen DeSantis treat one of my students the way he bullied those kids at his photo-op for simply wearing masks, I'd have kicked his lawyer-not-a-real-SEAL ass right up between his ears. If you haven't seen this asshole working hard to be the biggest asshole, here he is:
In early 2020, DeSantis declared a public health emergency followed by a comprehensive state of emergency for the entire state of Florida. Within a couple of weeks DeSantis had issued "self-isolation" orders for travelers entering Florida (an action he blamed on other states and especially on New York City. In a nice touch, there was also a gratuitous shot at Florida's "southeastern counties and other urban cores").
In an additional "safer at home" executive order (signed April 1, ha ha), DeSantis continues to blame everybody else for making him order Floridians "to limit their movements and personal interactions outside of their home to only those necessary to obtain or provide essential services or conduct essential activities."
The notion of respecting the guidance and expertise of anyone not named DeSantis clearly grinds his gears. Thus, by the end of April 2020, DeSantis had "convened the Task Force to Re-Open Florida" and begun to do so.
On July 6, the Florida Department of Education ordered that "Upon reopening in August, all school boards and charter school governing boards must open brick and mortar schools at least five days per week for all students..." When the Florida teachers union sued DeSantis and Commissioner of Education Richard Corcoran over safety concerns, DeSantis did what DeSantis does: He blamed somebody else. From Politico:
DeSantis on Monday put the order squarely at Corcoran’s feet and said it was meant to give parents the option of sending their children back to school.
“I didn’t give any executive order, that was the Department of Education,” DeSantis told reporters.
On September 25, the governor essentially lifted remaining restrictions. Cases immediately began to rise, with new cases peaking at over 15,000 per day in early January 2021 (up from about 2500 when DeSantis signed the order).
Even that wasn't good enough for the governor. Seeing which way the crazy wind was blowing and eager to ride the MAGA wave--and subsequent waves of COVID--DeSantis signed an order in May 2021 prohibiting local jurisdictions from implementing local restrictions and mandates. Three months later the state topped 50,000 new cases a day.
On a roll and giddy with power, with sights trained directly on the White House and President Biden, the governor called the Florida legislature into special session to finish the job and pass four anti-mandate laws into existence as part of his "freedom agenda." In true fratboy style, DeSantis signed the bills in November of 2021--in Brandon, Florida. In early January 2022, new cases spiked over 70,000 a day, reaching over 100,000 at one point before receding to previous levels.
DeSantis had ridden the waves without wiping out and that was it. Or was it? Reluctant to abandon a winning strategy and apparently wanting to get the most mileage out of being a dick, we got this in January 2023: "Governor Ron DeSantis Announces Initiative to Make Protections from COVID Mandates Permanent, Enact New Protections for Free Speech for Medical Practitioners." I'm not sure what "permanent" means in a democracy, but the November laws were scheduled to end in June and DeSantis was not about to let go of a good thing.
In fact, he has upped the ante, now requesting a grand jury to investigate complaints about the vaccines, complaints that DeSantis amplifies and that are based on misinformation and junk science. Complaints that would be surprising to an earlier version of DeSantis who was at the time trying to keep his state alive and hadn't yet taken the temperature of the rubes and reprogrammable meat bags (h/t Rude Pundit). Here's a little video amuse-bouche of DeSantis's evolution.
I put you through all this for two reasons. One, DeSantis is an expert at finding what works. He has no principles except "I'm the boss!" and he will root around like a truffle hog until he finds that perfect blend of cruelty and sanctimony. He always has an audience because he's mean to the "right" people and there's nothing too big or too small for him be a dick about. He'll find the bright lights and run the perfect play. Over and over. For as long as it works.
Works at what? Two, DeSantis is entirely a creature of power. It is his only reason for being on the planet. With COVID, as with all things DeSantis, there is no number of dead people that will stand in the way of his ambition. Being the biggest dick in the room is existential for him. Sound familiar? Except DeSantis thinks strategically.
In June of 2021, while all the COVID hubbub was bubbling, DeSantis was expanding the battlefield in the culture wars. On June 1, 2021, the first day of Pride Month, DeSantis approved a bill that restricted athletes in public schools and colleges to sports teams based on their "biological sex at birth." Then on June 29, DeSantis approved the "Parents' Bill of Rights" establishing, among other things, the right of a parent "to direct the education and care of his or her minor child."
The sports bill, CS for CS for SB 1028, started out as "An act relating to charter schools" and had zero to do with sex, gender, or sports. After months of legislative chicanery it ended up as "An act relating to education," with an inserted section (Section 12. Section 1006.205, for those of you playing along at home).
Designed to address a problem that doesn't exist except in the Fox-addled minds of the MAGA base, the so-called "Fairness in Women’s Sports Act" amended Florida law to require "Interscholastic, intercollegiate, intramural, or club athletic teams or sports that are sponsored by a public secondary school or public postsecondary institution must be expressly designated as [male, female, or coed/mixed] based on the biological sex at birth of team members."
DeSantis got the librul tears he was looking for as the law prompted objections from Human Rights Campaign, the LGBTQ+ community, and of course Democrats. NPR reported on the bill signing:
"In Florida, girls are going to play girls sports and boys are going to play boys sports," Gov. Ron DeSantis said as he signed the bill into law at a private Christian academy in Jacksonville that would not be subject to the law.
COVID was kind of played and the governor had found a new passion. He was now all tingly over school kids and their naughty bits.
I'll put this here to draw the connection between the COVID DeSantis and the school DeSantis. (spoiler alert: it's the same asshole) This flyer concerns the November 2021 laws and comes from the governor's website.
So, again, November 2021, and you can see the school/family half of the menu starts with "nobody tells us what to do" bs about COVID and masks and quarantine, and it ends up with lawsuits and parents' rights and radical school boards. DeSantis runs a potent con and he doesn't hesitate to run it again and again.
By December, DeSantis adds race to his mission and goes to war with "woke," whatever the fuck that means. On 12/15 DeSantis announces his "Legislative Proposal to Stop W.O.K.E. Activism and Critical Race Theory in Schools and Corporations," described as "a legislative proposal that will give businesses, employees, children and families tools to fight back against woke indoctrination."
Side note: Teachers are aware of their limitations. I know if I'd had any power to indoctrinate I'd have washed their brains full of empathy, curiosity, and joy, not to mention a love for hard work and a passion for Shakespeare. Turned out I was just not that important or powerful.
Anyway, "Stop W.O.K.E." (with W.O.K.E. an acronym for the dopey "Wrongs to Our Kids and Employees") is such a hit as a follow-up to the great COVID rebellion that it played on all the stations right through the winter. By spring they were ready to roll.
In March we get the news on instructional materials with CS/HB 1467 which, among other things, outlines the clearance requirements for materials. There's also a requirement that each district school board create a process for parents to object to a specific material on any of several grounds. Pay extra attention to Florida statute s. 847.012! That's the "Harmful materials; sale or distribution to minors" portion of this freakshow, and you'll discover that any educator who provokes a parent objection takes a risk. It reads, in part, "Any person violating any provision of this section [which includes 'nudity' and 'narrative accounts of sexual excitement, or sexual conduct...that is harmful to minors'] commits a felony of the third degree." So long, Romeo & Juliet. Bye bye David. You guys had a good run.
After taking the weekend off, DeSantis was back at it again on Monday, March 28, as he signed CS/CS/HB 1557 , known as the "don't say gay" bill among those with a heartbeat and as the "Parental Rights" bill among Republicans. It builds on the "Parents' Bill of Rights" bill You can read it and make up your own mind, but for my money it does two things: prohibits discussion of " sexual orientation or gender identity" in grades kinder through 3 and to infinity and beyond if not "appropriate," and it forces educators to out their students to parents regardless of consequences for the kids.
Finally (if only), we get the right-wing orgasm they've been edging for since last year aka forever. DeSantis signs the Stop W.O.K.E./Individual Freedom Act CS/HB 7 on April 22, 2022.
It's true the college parts of the stopwoke circus were enjoined last November by Chief U.S. District Judge Mark E. Walker who called the law "positively dystopian." DeSantis then got called out for not working that hard to obey the injunction against stopwokeness in college. However, in January a new judge said the governor was doing just fine.
Seems the younger schoolkids are still being shielded from the WOKE, and the bill reveals a pattern of verbal trickery common to the Laws of DeSantis. At least. Let's have a look.
Part of the Act is a caution on teaching about race. See if you can find the traps. Okay, I'll help:
(3) The Legislature acknowledges the fundamental truth that all persons are equal before the law and have inalienable rights. [The bait. We're all friends here.] Accordingly, instruction and supporting materials on the topics enumerated in this section must be consistent with the following principles of individual freedom:
(a) No person is inherently racist, sexist, or oppressive, whether consciously or unconsciously, solely by virtue of his or her race or sex. [Strawman.]
(b) No race is inherently superior to another race. [Convinced? Agree?]
(c) No person should be discriminated against or receive adverse treatment solely or partly on the basis of race, color, national origin, religion, disability, or sex. [Wait...What? Can you define that?]
(d) Meritocracy or traits such as a hard work ethic are not racist but fundamental to the right to pursue happiness and be rewarded for industry. [What are we talking about again? Dog whistle. Also, There's a fundamental right to be rewarded for industry?]
(e) A person, by virtue of his or her race or sex, does not bear responsibility for actions committed in the past by other members of the same race or sex. [What if the person continues to benefit from those actions? Or do we want students to think racism is just... over? And responsibility to do what?]
(f) A person should not be instructed that he or she must feel guilt, anguish, or other forms of psychological distress for actions, in which he or she played no part, committed in the past by other members of the same race or sex. [The switch. Strawman, sure, but mostly gobbledygook cobbled together to get them where they always wanted to go: Shut up about race.]
(all emphasis and commentary mine)
It's a con, a bait and switch, a rhetorical flimflam. They use vague wiggle words so the boss can decide what they mean. Who adjudicates the words "adverse treatment"? Who decides when "may" becomes "must"? This allows the perps to deny the real meaning, purpose, and predictable effect of the law while satisfying the crazies.
Whether it's Orwellian or Lewis Carrollian, DeSantis and the De-Lites use language to deflect and enrage. Hence we get this doozy from the governor:
“No one should be instructed to feel as if they are not equal or shamed because of their race,” said Governor Ron DeSantis. “In Florida, we will not let the far-left woke agenda take over our schools and workplaces. There is no place for indoctrination or discrimination in Florida.”
In keeping with tradition, they run this con over and over--and by "they" I mean DeSantis (the royal "They"). Regarding Don't say gay Parental Rights CS/CS/HB 1557, the Tampa Bay Times reported:
The text of the seven-page bill never mentions the word “gay.” Its vague provisions offer few details for how the ban on teacher-led instruction of gender and sexuality will be implemented in Florida’s public schools and yet both sides say they understand precisely what the intent is.
Then the paper went on to frame it as an "opponents say" to describe a bill that, indeed, "both sides" precisely understand:
Opponents warned it is a solution in search of a problem because the primary provisions of the bill — banning teacher-led discussion of sexual orientation and gender identity in kindergarten through third grade — is a subject currently not taught in public schools. They say the law is intentionally vague, intended to suppress talk of gender inclusiveness in schools, intimidate teachers into avoiding the topic and target LGBTQ students. (emphasis mine)
Yes. Yes it is.
The sponsors of this perversion repeatedly say "nuh uh!" when confronted with the obvious intent of their fuckery. They are lying.
Doublespeak--descended from the marriage of Orwellian binary stars Newspeak and doublethink--is deliberately ambiguous language and allows a reader to think words mean one thing while the writer can claim they meant something different.
But they (DeSantis) are not actually that interested in hiding their intentions. For example, in the stopwoke bill, almost every reference to "gender" is replaced with the word "sex," and every time the term is used with regard to protection against discrimination. In "don't say gay," "gender" appears twice, both times followed by "identity" and both times to tell everybody what not to talk about. "Gender" doesn't come up at all in the materials bill which is, I suppose, meant to warn teachers and librarians off everything to do with gendersex.
Even though everyone understands what the laws mean (and who they're meant for), I guess I was still surprised that the laws didn't say exactly what I expected from what I had heard. Turns out, the vagueness is the villainy and also the point. In trainings, out of the TV lights and away from the podium, the rules are being... clarified.
Librarians are being trained to "err on the side of caution" when considering materials. Here's the slideshow, from the Florida DOE. And here's the slide:
Harmful to minors? Who decides that? Guess:
Still not sure if Romeo and Juliet is okay? Before you decide, have a look at the penalty:
If you're thinking, "Well at least they're trying to protect librarians and media specialists," ask yourself if you trust any of them to decide or even know what "predominantly," "offensive," or "serious" "value" mean. Educators are being threatened and told they will be subject to severe penalties if they don't interpret the statutes correctly. Words can mean just what they want them to mean, and everybody knows what that means.
If you're thinking, "Well, that's for librarians. I'm a teacher," just stop.
You should be thinking, "First they came for the librarians..." Or maybe, "Nice career. Be a shame if something happened to it."
Anyway, the law applies to everybody and everything instructional. "instructional material."
You don't need a crystal ball. It's happening right now as Manatee County errs on the side of caution. Florida is leaving no doubt about what is expected. Here's a video! courtesy of Duvall County.
And just like the COVID con, DeSantis knows a good thing when he sees it and he is going to ride that train all the way. You will not be surprised to see that he has re-upped his war on teachers for another season. On January 23 he announced something called--I shit you not--a "Teacher’s Bill of Rights" that would, in his words, "increase teacher pay, support teacher empowerment and protect teachers’ paychecks by ensuring they have control over their hard-earned salary.”
He called it a "huge package," but he may have been just boasting.
The "agenda" is essentially a recipe for breaking the union with cash prizes and permission to beat up kids as incentives. I'm not kidding. This, from the governor's website:
This proposal will establish teacher empowerment provisions in law and will include these main provisions:
- Establish a new process for individuals to notify the state of a violation of teachers’ rights and ensure that the Department of Education can investigate those claims.
- Empower teachers to maintain safe classroom environments by creating a “stand your ground” classroom safety policy to protect teachers who are often judged unfairly for maintaining order and safety in their classrooms.
- Clarify that teachers have the choice to join their local teachers union and will not face any repercussions if they opt not to join.
- Providing civil remedies for teachers who are asked to violate Florida law and punished by their employers for standing up for what is right.
It's a bribe for teachers to demolish their own union. And DeSantis is not stopping at high school. Those college perfessers are a thorn in his side, too:
The Governor’s proposal will create more accountability and transparency for public sector unions, including K-12 teacher unions and higher education unions.
Terrie Brady, President of Duval Teachers United, questioned why DeSantis is targeting teachers unions and not other unions like those used by police and firefighters.“In Duval County, we have four or five other unions here that represent members in the exact same way. They do collective bargaining, they have dues deduction, they are a stand-alone, they represent grievances due process, all sorts of things. Maybe it’s because we are the largest, you know, that could that could be it, maybe it’s because we are politically active,” Brady said. “I do want to stress that no union dues are used for political activities.”
